I am a Quantum of Energy

Transition: an abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy

My 4 children in school all day

Am I losing or gaining energy? That is the question of the day.

 Since 1997, my morning routine has been waking groggy, bed-head, grouches and shuffling them out the door praying confidently that the Aldi's chocolate cocoa crispies would last until 10:30 am. Just as I would shut the door, another creature barked.  There at my feet was the toddler-- begging to watch "the grouch" on Sesame Street!

                       The barking has stopped. The house is quiet. I am alone.

My friends warned me this day would come fast, but in the midst of the 13 years of chaos and rush, I mocked their words.

...And here it is...  

Transitioning to this new phase is certainly a loss:  companionship--albeit a sub-human specimen in the making--, snuggles and hugs all day, spontaneous "I Love You's", playtime at Jumping Jax--meeting other Mom's while kids play, shopping trips with a fellow shop-o-ho-lic

Transitioning to this new phase is also a gain:  focus, quiet, uninterrupted time, gas money, lunch with MY friends,  getting to the items on my "bucket-list", boredom, weight-gain, (ooops, those are the negative)

Recently, I visited a novelty Toy Store to buy some incentive rewards to aid in teaching my 6-yr-old to "stick with her task."  As I meandered through the isles, peacefully and quietly, I reflected that the last time I visited this store, I had a toddler in tow. During my fantasy reflection, the child was a happy and willing participant during the trip bouncing and skipping, however, the SCREAMS of a nearby noise snap me back to reality! 

(My youngsters were the MOST horrible shoppers and would beg, cry, whine, yell, pounce, escape my wrath in order to have their instant gratification satisfied.  Sometimes I caved--sometimes I did not!)

(consistency is NOT my thing)

Back to reality--my continuing search in the store revealed many Mom's and children together connecting, hugging, sharing, snuggling, laughing and there I was...

...alone...

I put my big girl pants on and let my brain carry on a most enthusiastic conversation something like this, "your kid would just be begging and screaming for that pink over-priced, plastic, noise-making junk and you would need to "go to the happy zone" to simply get her out of the store without punching her"

My conversing worked! No tears. 

After my successful purchase, I headed out the door, proud that I did not cave to the emotions..........Then I got to the car.................

and lost it! The ugly cry where I could not even turn the key to start the car!

Did I mention my youngest kid is just in 1st grade? She will be home in 3 hours!

...I am now a "single quantum of energy" and I can CHOOSE if I lose or gain energy. 

...Which will it be today?...